When my sense of self depends on what others say of me, anger is a quite natural reaction to a critical word. And when my sense of self depends on what I can acquire, greed flares up when my desires are frustrated. Thus greed and anger are the brother and sister of a false self, fabricated by the social compulsions of an unredeemed world.
~Henri J. M. Nouwen
There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, thrown down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, thrown down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And the LORD said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”
~ from 1 Kings 19
Oh beloved, it is true.
We are so very able to say that we believe. But the truth is, that we are so willing to not follow through on this. We hedge our bets. We pretend that we believe.
But really, what is welling up within us is anxiety, and an unwillingness to simply let be what G_d has said will be. It is written: The Holy Spirit will tell us of things to come. Get this. G_d has told us that He will be in our future, and that He will inform us of it… And still, we choose unbelief.
This fool of a writer has been hearing Him speak to me for years. He has flung me around the globe on His promises to me. He has given me ministries to people in other countries – and sent me to meet specific people whom He has named. He has shown me exactly what certain aspects of my future look like in dreams (down to the actual buildings). He has had people speak to me from their own dreams… and much of it has come true in astounding ways. He even told me the name of the woman i was to marry – and she walked into my life from across the planet.
Really.
In some of this, i have ripped the limitations of my thinking to shreds, thrown natural caution to the wind, and just gone with what He has told me. Never once, when i knew if was Him, did i ever get “let down.”
And still, like Elijah, after a stunning victory over the prophets of Baal – i have scampered off into the desert of my own fears and flesh and wonderings. It is astounding to me. He has given me revelation so clear. Yet i am still willing to doubt Him.
Can we see it?
Notice how The L_RD handles this with Elijah. He never scolds him. He never shames him. But, He does challenge Elijah with a telling question: What are you doing here, Elijah?
This is the question that we need to ask ourselves when we find ourselves running out into the desert of our fears, and the bogs of our own attempts at self-comfort? A modern rendition of the same question could be, “How’s that working for you (and me)?”
Both are rhetorical. Both questions are designed to show Elijah, and us how foolish we are to run. He was with us in the major victories and revelations. But, the unchanging and transtemporal nature of this same G_d, show us very clearly that He is with us in the mundane, and scary, and tired times as well.
So, are you fighting unbelief? Is is making you run in directions that you know do not work? Time to stop. Time to get quiet. Listen to His Voice. He is right there, as He has always been – and always will be. Listen to His direction. He will set you right.
Tonight is your night beloved. Time to believe.
Beware in your prayer, above everything, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what he can do.
~Andrew Murray (1828-1917)
