Integrity and Repentance: Fighting The Fear within

Evil repay with good, if wronged do no one slight,
Thank for ingratitude, that is the Christian life.
~Angelus Silesius (1624-1677)

Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God. Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together. I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy. For even when we came into Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were afflicted at every turn—fighting without and fear within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more. For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted.
~ paul, The Least of The Apostles, in 2 Corinthians 7

Oh beloved, it is true. The stuff is going to hit the fan of our lives. And, in general, it is vital for us to ignore the stuff that hits the blades. There is a much deeper purpose. One of this writer’s favorite preachers* has said it well, “God often allows in His wisdom, what He could easily prevent in His power.”

No, the stuff that G_d allows in our lives is not so that we get sprayed with the detritus of the world (though this will surely happen). Rather, the purpose of the tough stuff in our lives is to get us to change our minds at a very deep level.

This deep-level change of mind is a beautiful word in the original language, that gets a little oversimplified in its translation to English. The word “repentance” has been simplified into some sort of changing our actions, or feeling shame about something. But simply changing what we do, or how we feel, does not change who we are.

Repentance goes much deeper than this. It is more about the integrity which He grows in us as we change our minds and come to a deep belief in who He is and what He has already done in our lives. For, as we come upon the challenges that will inevitably come against our belief, we find that there really are parts of us that still do not yet really believe.

And so, said a bit more simply, He allows a number of things to go wrong in our lives that He might illumine us to the dark shadows that remain within. He allows us to find the places where we are still willing (even quite willing) to be afraid. He allows us to see the places where we will instantly take our eyes off of Him and grasp for our own comfort.

In allowing the junk the world throws at us, He allows a greater good: that we might see the junk within ourselves and be broken about our willingness to hold onto it. He allows challenges to our safety that we might truly (and finally) come to abhor our fear, and cast it away into His Loving Sea of Forgiveness. And as we repent of these fears and junk and doubt, He replaces it with His unchanging Self.

Can we see it? Remember beloved, He is working all things together for good. He is faithful to complete the work that He began in you. And in many ways, the work is already done. The problem is not Him being incomplete in His efforts. The problem is me changing my mind at a deep level about who i already am in Him. This is the meaning of repentance.

So, are you facing the onslaught of the world? Are you being battered by circumstances? Is your old man and its flesh erupting and causing you angst? Good. He is trying to show you something. This fool of a writer has been going through this for a few weeks and sees the gunk within himself as well. But now, over the years, He has shown me that this is nothing to be afraid of. This is what helps make me whole and integrated with Him.

While we surely detest the sin that so easily ensnares us, and we feel a deep sorrow for its continued existence, we have but to simply let go of it. He will (actually already has) surely take it from us, and cast it as far away as the East is from the West.

Tonight is your night beloved, time to change your mind.