If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
~paul, The Least of The Apostles, in Colossians 3
Beloved, do you worry?
May I share? I spent time on the mission field through the 80s, 90s, and 2010s. I – like you – have been in some of those “moments” when things were pretty darn scary, and it seemed like maybe that “moment” would be the time when when i would see Him! … Isn’t it weird? He brought us through things like this, yet we allow the grind of our kids’ behavior, money, health, or relationships to draw us back into the dry deserts of unbelief…. I am not chastising, I am saying i can fall into the same thing!
But then in 2011 I met Jerry. Jerry was in his late 80s and had walked the path Our Blessed Saviour set before him since his childhood. He ooooooozed an easy, loose-grasping approach to life, and yeah… he was one of those old guys whose Bible was so worn out that pages were falling out of it…. Anyway, we were in a men’s group on a Saturday morning, and we were discussing worry. All of us guys kept discussion multiple angles, and talking about how to release our lack of faith… Jerry rarely said too much, but was always totally present in the moment. And, it only happened twice in a couple of years, but after the first time – I was more ready for the second.
Jerry gently closed his Bible, and made an ever-so-slight motion to speak. The entire room went silent. He had his head down a little, and paused for a bit… he raised his head; his eyes were bright blue – gorged with joy – and he had a couple of tears running down his cheeks. He said: “Men, I have now walked with Him for more than 80 years, yeah there has been trouble. But you know what? I now looks back on these years and can see it. I Always had Him. He never left me. Not once.”
The room was wrecked. 60 minutes of us younger guys doing our hand-wringing – and blessed Jerry just blew it all up with a truth that primed me as i was leaving for a particularly grueling 6 years in China and Indonesia… I knew I was headed into the field, and some of what i was doing was pretty dangerous… Money was tight, relationships super messy, culture stress, learning languages, etc. But for once, I saw it: It is not the circumstance I wanted to go right. If Jerry was right (and he most surely was), he showed me that it is actually not even my own life that i want. i want Him (even if i don’t know it).
In one of the adventures, I went 40 days without enough food. It was about 4 weeks into the situation, and suddenly had an epiphany. What if i were to starve (not likely)? It had been a very tough few months, but as my appetite for the physical kind of waned, i became aware of something very clearly: I might face something like this, but He will be with me – and His Life is my life. His Body and Blood are the only food that I truly need….
Can we see it?
We want Him… He is The Center of our desire. And when we seek Him alone, we suddenly find everything we ever wanted – even if our circumstance is grim, or deadly.
May you be built up. I believe i was Prompted to say this all to you.
A prayer for you:
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
