I am more sinful and flawed than I ever dared believe, more loved and welcomed than I ever dared hope. ~Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
For the Lord disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. …See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.
~from Hebrews 12
Oh beloved, it is true.
Our sin is ever before us. Truly, our falling short of His Glory, is treason against our Triune Maker, and spiritual adultery.
This fool of a writer has recently had the opportunity to see his own failures anew. For some 50 years, the vicious tides of addiction have attacked my life. And, quite thankfully, a good bit more than half of them have been lived out in freedom.
But those tides. Relentless… We can look out upon the gentle waves coming in, and get lulled into the euphoric recall of the relief we felt when we used or drank or watched or ate our way into destruction.
Somehow we knew deep down that even giving any thought to our addictions was dangerous beyond measure. We knew that the gentle waves coming in would soon become a perfect storm of misery, loss, and disappointment. The winds of this storm would hold the full potential to destroy us, and many around us.
Alongside the (lying) gentle waves, we sense the tensions, traumas, aggravations, and stressors of this earthly existence. They nag at the base of our mind, and at the core of our flesh. They are like the barb of a hook that only works itself deeper into our psyches when we begin to think about when…………….
When walking small, in His Very Large Grace, we know and do shut the door quickly on this stuff. We know that to take that though captive is vital to maintaining freedom. But, when we have allowed the soulish and fleshly part of ourselves to be pulled into the bitterness and anger of the world – and our circumstances – we can quickly fall into a deadly game of mind chess.
Can we see it?
Actually, it is not too much of a mystery. The chief of sinners, Paul, wrote it this way in Galatians 5:
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
My mind will want to move lots of pawns around on the board and try out a few flashy moves with the ‘Rook’ of my emotions, or the ‘Knight’ of my reasoning. However, no matter how many moves I make trying to checkmate my spirit, the truth does not change: Our addictions can and will tear us apart in the typhoon of destruction they bring. I am thankful to be on the other side of a bit of an alcoholic winter storm this past few months – but most definitely could have been taken out.
Thankfully, a very gracious Savior and a devoted wife reminded my early as the tides were coming in, and i took refuge in a place where i could be reminded again of the goodness of G_d in all His dealings with us. And in the weeks in that place i was also reminded what a deadly neighborhood the mind can be for each of us. Don’t go in there alone, especially at night. The entire environment is no place for convoluted chess or other games.
I am reminded anew of my abiding need for His Grace and Holy Spirit to saturate my mind through surrender, acceptance and revelation. This, rather than for my thinking to go septic through bitterness, minimalization, and rationalization.
So, are you looking at the old tides of your old life? Could one old addict preach at you for a moment? Turn away. Don’t gaze upon the glasses or spoons, or pills. These are not gentle waves of comfort. They are a hellish storm waiting to ruin you for the last time.
Tonight is your night, allow G_d’s discipline to have its way in your life. Don’t fall for old mind games that only take you away from Him and His glorious Presence.
How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it.
~GK Chesterton
