I am afraid of only one thing—that I should become a grain of wheat not willing to die.
~Young Missionary Girl
The reason why the crowd went to meet Him was that they heard He had done this sign. So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after Him.” Now among those who went up to worship at the feast were some Greeks. So these came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked Him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” Philip went and told Andrew; Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there will My servant be also. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. “Now is My soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify Your Name.”
~ Jesus, King of The Universe, in John 12
Oh beloved, it is true.
This fool of a writer has spent a very good portion of his life, living beyond the borders of the country where he was born. I was born into a middle class family, in a middle part of the US. But, through a number of circumstances, our family ended up out in the Southwest deserts of Arizona.
In that place, my family found a church that had a lot going for it. And, in that place, there was a pastor who had a heart for doing the right thing and also pressing forward with the truth in his preaching. Somehow, in the foolishness and disobedience of my youth, i heard the call: There is a world that is hurting and really needs Jesus. I was given the distinct honor of meeting and hearing from a number of the very big names in missions.
And one night, in about 1979, Bob Pierce spoke of the need for our hearts to be broken by the things that break G_d’s heart. It got it, sort of. I stood up in front of nearly 1,000 people along with only about 6 or 10 others that I could see. I was only in 6th grade, but I understood that somehow my life was going to change.
It started, and has faltered a number of times. However, my first missionary trip was a posting to the blue mountains region of Australia, outside of Sydney, in 1982. I was 16 years old, and stupider that i can even account for in so many ways. But somehow, that trip did indeed bring forth some sort of a seed that would grow.
A couple years later, i started college in the mountains of Colorado. The school was for missionary and Bible training. I still did not fully understand, but the seed was being tended. I went back to Arizona and lost my momentum for a couple of years. But, while attending an English class, a student shared a dream with me, about my going to China and sharing the gospel, even when things were not going so well.
Somehow, I obeyed enough to get back to Bible College. I finished up with a degree in Bible, Christian Education and Youth Ministries. And there, I was recruited to go overseas with a group that works with youth in Europe. Two of my sons were born there. And, much of my life was being formed, but still I was not ready. Not really.
Can we see it?
G_d literally has to bury us, for us to break free. So, stay with me.
Upon my return from Germany, He led me into a decade of training in High Tech. I travelled the world and learned so much about dealing with other cultures. I made friends that I still have. And, during that time I even got to China to visit Shanghai in its youth during the “opening” in the late 1990s.
However, the forming was not done yet. The dying had not yet occurred. So, through a number of fiery trials, my life failed and failed again, until He brought me to the end of: me. And, after about ten years of running hard and fast, away from His presence, He brought me back to Himself.
And about 19 October 2010, I died.
Can’t really explain what that means, except to say that the past 6 years have been lived in nearly constant service in His Kingdom. Along the road He has laid out, I have been in Jamaica, The US, Indonesia, The Philippines, and China. All along the way, I have been given the distinct honor to share His Great Love with many people.
It really is a dream life. This walking dead, but more alive than I had ever been before.
Jesus was right, of course. Unless the seed fall into the ground and die, it abides alone. But, if it dies, it bears much fruit.
So, are you struggling in life? Are you sensing that you don’t “get it” yet, either? Perhaps you it is because you are still alive. This fool of a writer even still falters and fails, so the question is not about behavior. The question is about: “Who is calling the shots?” Who is in charge?
Tonight is your night. Time to die to self. A DreamLife awaits you.
People who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives … and when the bubble has burst, they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted.
~Nate Saint, missionary martyr with Jim Elliot
