I regard myself as the most wretched of all men, stinking and covered with sores, and as one who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King. Overcome by remorse, I confess all my wickedness to Him, ask His pardon and abandon myself entirely to Him to do with as He will. But this King, filled with goodness and mercy, far from chastising me, lovingly embraces me, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands, gives me the keys of His treasures and treats me as His favorite. He talks with me and is delighted with me in a thousand and one ways; He forgives me and relieves me of my principle bad habits without talking about them; I beg Him to make me according to His heart and always the more weak and despicable I see myself to be, the more beloved I am of God.
~ Brother Lawrence of The Resurrection (1614-1691)
Moses said to the LORD, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found favor in My sight.’ Now therefore, if I have found favor in Your sight, please show Me now Your ways, that I may know You in order to find favor in Your sight. Consider too that this nation is Your people.” And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to Him, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people? Is it not in Your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and Your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?” And the LORD said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in My sight, and I know you by name.” Moses said, “Please show me your glory.” And He said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you My name ‘The LORD.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,” He said, “you cannot see My face, for man shall not see Me and live.” And the LORD said, “Behold, there is a place by Me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with My hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back, but My face shall not be seen.”
~ epic reality in Exodus 33
Oh beloved, it is true.
Life, as we know it, is a tragic affair. Nothing really works. We go through the motions, but really all we sense is that the risk of the next minute is bigger than we can handle. We go to school. We go to work. We go back home. But, everywhere we go is just not quite where we want to be.
Oh, we try to pretend that everything is OK. But, it’s not. We feel alone. Yeah, we find a bit of comfort in the people in our lives. And our associations and patriotism give us a sense (sometimes) that we belong. And actually, as we go through all the motions; as we try to do the things that will make our lives work, we realize that our desire is SomeWhere else.
Some of us panic and try to make the sense come. We shove chemicals and entertainment and sex and power and position into the hole, but none of it fits. It all either bounces off the rim of the place we are trying to find, or falls through the hole into nothingness.
It takes many of us a whole lifetime. And some of us never find it.
Terrible.
What is it that we seek?
Can we see it?
Our desires are pointing us towards something we know – absoposilutely know – is there. And, in The Word, we find that the answer is not some-thing, or some-where that we are looking for. No, we find that What we are looking for is the very Root and Source of things and places and times and success and pleasure.
We are, though we may not know it, wanting to fulfill the very reason for our existence.
We were made to know, really – truly – consciously, to know the Very Author of our lives. And, we were Designed that the incomprehensible would become deep inner knowledge. We were Designed that the inscrutable would become the very language of our daily lives.
We were – to put it simply – made to be the friend of G_d.
And, the beauty of this whole thing, as that as we come to know this, we find that the Designer did not make us because He too was searching around to try to find fulfillment. No, this Designer was searching for friends because He has so much to give away.
He is literally infinitely bursting with Joy and Strength and Fulfillment and Hope and Love and Power and Pleasure. And… He simply wants to share it with anyone who would receive it.
So, are you feeling alone? Are you tired and worn out? Are you looking for real pleasure? It is available. But you (and this fool of a writer) need to stop looking, and realize that the Infinite is already right there. He is yearning for you to be free and whole and strong. Would you take the risk to actually find what you are looking for?
Tonight is your night. Time to find the true Pleasure, of The Presence of G_d.
God, Who is everywhere, never leaves us. Yet He seems sometimes to be present, sometimes to be absent. If we do not know Him well, we do not realize that He may be more present to us when He is absent than when He is present.
~ Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island
