When I attempted . . . . to describe our spiritual longings, I was omitting one of their most curious characteristics. We usually notice it just as the moment of vision dies away, as the music ends, or as the land-scape loses the celestial light. . . . . For a few minutes we have had the illusion of belonging to that world. Now we wake to find that it is no such thing. We have been mere spectators. Beauty has smiled, but not to welcome us; her face was turned in our direction, but not to see us. We have not been accepted, welcomed, or taken into the dance. We may go when we please, we may stay if we can: “Nobody marks us.” A scientist may reply that since most of the things we call beautiful are inanimate, it is not very surprising that they take no notice of us. That, of course, is true. It is not the physical objects that I am speaking of, but that indescribable something of which they become for a moment the messengers. And part of the bitterness which mixes with the sweetness of that message is due to the fact that it so seldom seems to be a message intended for us, but rather something we have overheard. By bitterness I mean pain, not resentment. We should hardly dare to ask that any notice be taken of ourselves. But we pine. The sense that in this universe we are treated as strangers, the longing to be acknowledged, to meet with some response, to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality, is part of our inconsolable secret. And surely, from this point of view, the promise of glory, in the sense described, becomes highly relevant to our deep desire. For glory means good report with God, acceptance by God, response, acknowledgement, and welcome into the heart of things. The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.
~ CS Lewis, from The Weight of Glory
Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to Me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, My steadfast, sure love for David. Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander for the peoples. Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know, and a nation that did not know you shall run to you, because of the LORD your God, and of the Holy One of Israel, for He has glorified you.
~ from Isaiah 55
Oh beloved, it is true.
There are seasons in our lives that we would not survive if they were extended. Just as a bacterial infection – left unchecked – would lead to our demise, so also sorrow and longing will kill us.
This fool of a writer left a trail of pain in many people’s lives in the past. The choices i made; the decisions i took to bring myself comfort in some very uncomfortable circumstances, brought devastation to a family, career, and everything that went with it. And though i am now much healed, the rifts i created may never be healed in this life.
And part of what was lost in the midst of it all is a son. He is the older twin; those two in the middle between two sisters. And, while i love all four of them, this man is the one who has prompted pain in me lately that i cannot contain, and barely can bear. This man is soldier. And, this man is one who may be called into any of the potential actions that are emerging around the world.
He was built for this. His entire upbringing, and his natural bearing make him among the best of those called into the warrior class. He has a quick wit, a tender heart, a strong mind, a deadly aim, and courage beyond his years. He is loved by friends, family, cats, dogs, and little kids. He cares for people and would rather see their good ensured than to have his comfort guaranteed. He speaks his mind. He tells the truth. He plays hard.
And… this man is one i have not seen in over three years. i miss him beyond my ability to put into words. There is nearly nothing i would not give to gain five minutes with him – just to look him in the eye, express my great pride in his accomplishments, and wish him well in his coming endeavors. But, it does seem that this may not happen in this life.
Can we see it?
G_d is completely aware of this type of longing and pain. He, as The Eternal Man, knew sorrow beyond His Great Soul’s ability to bear. He cried out to His friends, His Father, and to the adoring warrior-messengers who came to minister to Him in His grief. He was totally acquainted with the heart-rending sorrow of separation from those He Loves.
This, and only this, is what keeps this fool of a writer from abandoning hope. This knowing that The One Who Saved me also knows exactly what i am feeling. Actually, He doesn’t know it in the abstract through a similar experience. He knows what i am feeling because He now dwells within me. His deeply Loving Voice calls deeply within my inner man, and tells me how very well things really are – both now and forever.
Oh to believe. i do… just have to remember it sometimes.
So, are you aching for something? Are you longing for Home? Are you separated from a family member? Do you just feel the growing disconnection with this world, but the “not-yet-connected” with the next? The Answer is waiting to wait with you in the meantime.
Tonight is your (and this fool of a writer’s) night to let His Deep Love meet us in our deepest need. We are almost Home, and The Answer will be there.
Just as people do not enter a war in order to enjoy war, but in order to be saved from war, so we do not enter this world in order to enjoy this world, but in order to be saved from it. People go to war for the sake of something greater than war. So we also enter this temporal life for the sake of something greater: for eternal life. And as soldiers think with joy about returning home, so also Christians constantly remember the end of their lives and their return to their heavenly fatherland.
~St. Nicholas of Serbia
