Perfect love is a kind of self-dereliction, a wandering out of ourselves; it is a kind of voluntary death, wherein the lover dies to himself, and all his own interest, not thinking of them, nor caring for them anymore, and minding nothing but how he may please and gratify the party whom he loves.
~Henry Scougal
By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as He is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
~ John, The Beloved Disciple, in 1 John 4
Oh beloved it is true. There are people in this world who will hurt us. We will be bullied. We will be cheated. We will be disdained.
And none of this is right. We are indeed lovable – even lovely. The worst of us has been fashioned in the very image of G_d. Hitler, Pol Pot, and those of us who are even worse carry within us, when enlivened by Grace, the ability to live as Designed. We are made to be both Loved – and to Love.
The problem with all of this is clear though: we have no idea how to do it. We barely know how to receive Love. We surely have little idea about how to give it away. Mostly, we go about bumbling and doing nice things for other people (actually) in the hope that they will do nice things for us. And as patriotic as this sounds, it is far from Love.
Sometimes we get a little further into the curve, and actually begin to sacrifice a bit of ourselves. We are learning, but this is really just like a toddler beginning to pull themselves up. If we lose our grip on what is really holding us up, down we go.
We can grow, and often we do. We learn that Love is the profound concern for others – without regard to whether they love us in return. We try. But sometimes the years of giving it away leave us feeling lean and empty. But the emptiness we feel is really an indicator that what we were doing was not really Love.
Sometimes though, we do learn – and we finally grow up. Oh, it is not that we cannot regress. Actually, surely we do, but this is actually a sign that we have grown up. We are no longer afraid of the failure to Love. Nor, though, are we afraid when others fail to Love us in return.
We have learned that Love has nothing to do with ourselves. We have learned that we are lovely and we lovable – and this is enough. If people revile us or lie to us or disrespect us, especially those closest to us, we do hurt. We do ache, but we are no longer afraid that what others are doing to us is really a reflection on who we are.
Can we see it? And… even when people are blowing up at us and telling us they are leaving, or treating our opinions as though they are not worth even a few minute’s support, we have no need to respond in kind. We actually, in our pain, begin to see the very same tiny little world we have grown out of. We were them, and we are no better.
Love. Real Love is a grown up thing. It is not perfect like as in having no flaws. It is perfect in that it is resilient and draws itself from a Higher Love. It is mature. It can hurt deeply without abandoning hope. It can move beyond tiny little motives like fear and shame and bitterness and self-loathing and self-righteous retribution into simply being good and right and true and noble and just and pure and Lovely and virtuous and honorable and worthy of praise.
So, are you hurting that someone you Love is not loving you back? It happens, and the pain is nothing to be ashamed of. However, it would be a shame for sure if you don’t just keep Loving. Because the only thing you will gain is the realization that you may have never really been Loving them in the first place.
Tonight is your night beloved. Time to grow up.
