There is no escaping the cross. You will feel either pain in your body or tribulation in your spirit. Sometimes you will feel deserted by God. Sometimes your neighbor will trouble you. Quite frankly, you will sometimes be a burden to yourself. As long as God wants you to bear it, there can be no remedy for your suffering because there are some vital lessons you need to learn.
~Thomas à Kempis (c. 1380-1471)
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And He who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be My son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.
~ from Revelation 21 & 22
The greatest of all crosses is self—if we die in part every day, we shall have but little to do on the last. These little daily deaths will destroy the power of the final dying.
~François Fénelon (1651-1715)
Oh beloved, it is true.
There will come times in our lives where He begins to heal us. But, the course of treatment will be much more painful – at times – than the disease we were suffering. And often, it is that the disease is so deep, and the infection so systemic that He must work down through the layers of fetid and necrotic flesh in steps.
We simply couldn’t handle it all at once.
This fool of a writer has been in the abyss of addiction. I have lost it all. And, He has given it all back in ways that are nearly impossible to describe. Instead of death to alcohol and everything else, He gave me the wine of His Spirit. And instead of a dry and monastic life, He has given me a precious spouse who has met me in some of my deepest needs.
Beyond all of this, He has restored years of ministry that the locust had eaten. Hundreds, and perhaps thousands now, know Him more deeply because of the work He is doing in me and through me. i have preached and lived The Gospel now in countries around the world. And this little blog is helping others i have never met.
And further, He has given me a deep Love for Him and for people.
It is amazing. But… the course of healing… Oh G_d.
Can we see it?
Sometimes we are not ready for the deep cuts; for the more invasive surgeries, until other ancillary systems are functioning with some sort of resilience. But, once we have been stabilized, core systems must be repaired for life to work properly again – and forever.
Said more simply: sometimes G_d surprises us with deeper pain, after making us strong enough to handle it.
Today, i drove into Eastern Colorado with my beloved spouse and our youngest son. We are visiting the US over the summer, in somewhat of a sabbatical from 5 years of intense ministry in three Asian countries. The trip has indeed been restful, but also painful… However, nothing prepared me for what came over me as i drove through the foothills of the eastern slope of the Rockies.
Waves of memories of my failures, and the people i had hurt, crashed into my consciousness. It was too much. Too much failure. Too much rejection. Too much loss. Too much of everything. My mind was in a jumble, and my flesh was screaming for relief… Despair was tugging me off my feet and trying to toss me off the cliff into an abyss even deeper than i felt myself in, in the moment.
And then… He showed me. i was strong enough – in Him – to experience these few hours. Oh, i would love to report how perfectly i sat still in the dark, but that did not happen. i flailed and wept and screamed and misbehaved for a few hours, but that was it. …
In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.
~ St. John of The Cross
And He was still there, astonishingly beautiful. He spoke to me as i lay down for a fitful nap: “You’re OK now. It’s over.”
So, are you hurting in the abyss of your painful memories? He is with you. Go on down into the dark and let Him bring you through. Tonight is your night. Time to believe the pain is worth it.
Uncompromising trust in the love of God inspires us to thank God for the spiritual darkness that envelops us, for the loss of income, for the nagging arthritis that is so painful, and to pray from the heart, “Abba, into your hands I entrust my body, mind, and spirit and this entire day—morning, afternoon, evening, and night. Whatever you want of me, I want of me, falling into you and trusting in you in the midst of my life. Into your heart I entrust my heart, feeble, distracted, insecure, uncertain. Abba, unto you I abandon myself in Jesus our Lord. Amen.”
~Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin’s Path to God
