I cannot imagine how religious persons can live satisfied without the practice of the presence of GOD. For my part I keep myself retired with Him in the depth of centre of my soul as much as I can; and while I am so with Him I fear nothing
~Brother Lawrence of The Resurrection
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
~ Psalm 23
Oh beloved, it is true.
G_d not is absent. He is everywhere. This is well understood. But, what is not understood, by many of us, is that – while He is never less present – He is more present in certain spaces and times. Surely, this is not because some effulgent Infinite Being has withdrawn Himself. No, it is because we are not sitting still enough to feel what is truly real.
And frankly, this is understandable even in the natural. Often, in our dailiness and speed and self-centeredness, we can begin to sense a drift away from the relationships we have. It is not that we don’t care about the people around us… Oh, it actually is. We just begin caring even less. And in trying to get things going in a certain direction (“my way”), our lives vector off into loneliness and stress.
This fool of a writer has the astounding opportunity to teach and preach in some of the most incredible places. I have lived in four countries in five years. I have also preached across time zones in places i never thought possible. People have come to know Him. People have been healed. People have been set free.
But there was a problem.
There was still a little of me – in me. Any of this will be disastrous in the long term. Years of service gave these little corners of my soul time to inflate, and grow hot and putrid within me. And so, by the time i came back “home” to the US for a summer break, it was erupting in foul sores of pride and anxiety and pain.
Yes, i needed a rest. But, i was trying to find my own rest. Each of us have been there. But, it is at least, a privilege to know that i was trying to do my own thing – and fight it.
Because, have no doubt, my life is His. The decision has been made. And so, if something comes up. The battle is no longer against The Almighty. The battle is against the flesh of my old man that wants to fight and spit until it gets its incorrigible way.
But G_d.
Can we see it? He makes us lie down…
And yes, He will do anything necessary to draw us back into His arms. He will allow the tension and pride we are manufacturing to destroy our confidence in ourselves. He will crush our dreams and sense of wellbeing that we might allow our self to be pushed off center once again, that He might reign in preeminence in all things in our lives.
But, this is the beauty of the story. As He keeps trimming off the dead in me, the only thing that is left is Life in Him. We lose nearly nothing and gain nearly everything in the exchange. So, even when a couple months beats the hell out of us (and we make it worse in our fleshly reactions), what comes out of it – is that we actually end up closer to Him.
So, are you feeling yourself wandering? Are you tired of the parts of you that just won’t quit rebelling? Let Him make you lie down. Let Him crush you back into His Presence, where all the strength you (and this fool of a writer) ever needed – abides.
Tonight is your night. Time to be crushed, that you might find true strength.
The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment. The reality of naked trust is the life of the pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise.
~ Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin’s Path to God
