When you’re lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you’re made to feel as if your love’s a crime —
But nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight —
Got to kick at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight
When you’re lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
And we’re lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
~ Bruce Cockburn
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
~ from 1 Peter 5
Oh beloved, it is true. Pain is part of the process.
Oh, and early on we thought about the problems of suffering from things like torture or some other form of persecution. And surely these are truly suffering. Those who, by His grace, endure to the end are given special honor on that Day, and their prayers are incense directly breathed by Him.
Then we think of the suffering of our circumstances. And these things are real. But as we look to Him, we find that the events and bumps and bruises of life really are not that big of a deal. We find that we are now able to be content in all things.
And then He allows a deeper – and perhaps more real – suffering to begin.
We want, and we realize something is not His will.
We wish, and it is not time.
We get angry, and find the only person failing is us.
We control, and the control only slips further away.
We hurt, and have no idea how to offload the pain.
We try, and we fail.
And we come to a cliff… And the Voice we now know surely to be His, says, “jump beloved.”
But I will die!
Yes beloved.
But!
Just jump.
I JUST HURT SO BAD! I HAVE HURT SO MANY PEOPLE! THEY DON’T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO ME ANY MORE… SO MANY PEOPLE ARE HURTING SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOES’NT ANYBODY FLIPPING CARE!!!!!!!???????????!!!!!!!!
Just jump beloved.
Jesus, help me.
I AM.
Nobody cares. I have been trying to live for you and love everyone around me, and even those closest to me just revile me and call me names. Doesn’t anybody care?!?
I care, and I AM the One most willing and able to handle the problem beloved. Just jump.
And we do.
Suddenly, we find the most amazing thing happens. Instead of being dashed on some rocks below, the only thing that dies in us is the willingness to keep fighting this amazingly loud battle in our heads. Before, it was as if a legion of hornets were flying about in our skull. And suddenly all is quiet.
We look around, and instead of destruction, we find again that it is true that no weapon formed against us will prosper. The false voices of condemnation over real failure…. The darts of thoughts that maybe we should go back to Egypt…. The deceitful temptations to want and wish and whine and fix and fight. Because, at first, these things seemed so real. We had bought in – again – to the idea that life was about us. And we did this knowing clearly that Jesus is now our very Life.
Can we see it? Suffering is about freedom. Suffering is about learning to put up with our own reactions to our own failures – trusting that G_d has already forgiven them. Suffering is about being trained to utterly abandon ourselves to His great Love and care, knowing – really knowing – He is not going to let us hurt one iota more than is necessary for the working of our salvation from our own selves or the salvation of another.
Oh this fool of a writer has to learn this lesson over and over! It is not even consciously that i desire to fall back into the place were my position takes center stage. A soul in absolute surrender to the One to whom he has surrendered has no desire to run their own life any more. The problem is that we listen to the old phantoms of the painful old life we had and simply allow ourselves to give more attention to their screaming than the Still Small Voice He uses to address us within.
He is so good to us though. It seems that our failures are but launching pads to understanding His grace more fully, and appreciating its healing and strengthening effects. There remains darkness sometimes in us, when we allow it to grow. And grace is the power to kick at it until it bleeds the Son’s Light instead.
