Nothing is more opposed to God than pride, for self-deification is concealed in it, its own nothingness or sin. Thus more than anything humility is acceptable to God, which considers itself nothing, and attributes all goodness, honor, and glory to God alone. Pride does not accept grace, because it is full of itself, while humility easily accepts grace, because it is free from itself, and from all that is created. God creates out of nothing. As long as we think that we can offer something of ourselves, He does not begin His work in us. Humility is the salt of virtue. As salt gives flavor to food, so humility gives perfection to virtue. Without salt, food goes bad easily, and without humility, virtue is easily spoiled by pride, vainglory, impatience – and it perishes. There is a humility which a man gains by his own struggles: knowing his own insufficiency, accusing himself for his failings, not allowing himself to judge others. And there is a humility into which God leads a man through the things that happen to him: allowing him to experience afflictions, humiliations, and deprivations.
~St. Philaret of Moscow
Be not silent, O God of my praise! For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love…. But you, O GOD my Lord, deal on my behalf for Your name’s sake; because Your steadfast love is good, deliver me! For I am poor and needy, and my heart is stricken within me. I am gone like a shadow at evening; I am shaken off like a locust. My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt, with no fat. I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they wag their heads. Help me, O LORD my God! Save me according to Your steadfast love! Let them know that this is Your hand; You, O LORD, have done it! Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but Your servant will be glad! May my accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a cloak! With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise Him in the midst of the throng. For He stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.
~ David, in Psalm 109
Oh beloved, it is true.
If we are going in the right direction, there will be those who cannot see it. And many, in their own sense of self-righteousness will attempt to take us out, or tear us down. This is something that most of us, who have begun down the path of leadership, understand. What we don’t understand, is that we have to learn how to handle things.
Yes, we always need to speak the truth. Always.
No, we do not need to get other people to like it – or to like us.
And this is where it is most difficult for some of us.
Many of us grew up with a voice in our heads and souls. The voice was screaming that we were
not good enough,
not pretty enough,
not smart enough,
not enough.
And those of us who grew up in this space, often try to spend the rest of their lives “proving” that they are enough. (BTW, beloved, you know you are, right? This entry talks about this).
There are a number of things that get us into “people-pleasing” mode, but another is another of the most dangerous.
Many of us actually did blow it. Many of us really did fail in so many ways, that our lives now are in a great ways driven by the deep, deep, deep desire to never hurt others again. And while this is a noble motivation, the behavioral expectations we may have of others, can be counterproductive.
Both of these situations can lead us into the trap of modifying what we are doing, just to get people to approve of us. Oh, it is not that we sense the need to give in to sin or something like that. No, but we will tweak our approach in ways that are not healthy, to try and get people to give a nod, or act like they accept us.
Can we see it?
Trying to get people to like us, will not work. In fact, it may actually have the opposite effect. People do not like to feel manipulated. Further, some people are simply unable to see goodness in other people. There is so much garbage percolating up out of their own souls, that they cannot fathom others flowing cleanly in their approach to life. And beyond all of this, some are just so hurt, that they cannot, or don’t even begin to know how to like others yet.
What to do? It is important to feel loved. It is vital to sense we are part of something. How do we handle this?
Hopefully, the answer is clear. We need to start where Love actually begins. We start with Who He Is. The passage above speaks of the steadfast Love of G_d. This word, in the original, is a veritable tsunami of everything He is, flowing towards us in healing and strengthening acceptance.
And then, once we know that we really are already accepted by the only One who truly matters in the matter, anyway, we are freed to move into a role we had never really comprehended before. Now, instead of trying to gain the acceptance of others, we can move into other people’s lives and help them feel the healing balm of healthy acceptance from another.
So, are you battling the need to be accepted? It has already happened. Further, you (and this fool of a writer) can never count on this from other people. We are all much too broken, apart from Him. Tonight is your night beloved. Time to forget being liked, and realize that you are already Deeply and Foreverly Loved.
Have patience awhile; slanders are not long-lived. Truth is the child of time; ere long she shall appear to vindicate thee.
~Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)
