Are you angry? Be angry at your sins, beat your soul, afflict your conscience, but strict in judgement and a terrible punisher of your own sins. This is the benefit of anger, wherefore God placed it in us.
~St. John Chrysostom, Conversation of Ephesians 2
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
~ paul, The Least of The Apostles, in Ephesians 4
Oh Beloved, it is true.
People are going to rage.
This fool of a writer has had some people just lose it on me in the past year or so. Was even attacked by an angry man with a knife. However, I am learning more each time that I may be a trigger for some emotions in others – but that the trigger is not the propellent, the cartridge or the bullet in their gun.
Anger and rage and all that garbage is already inside the other person… Yes, it is our honor and duty to try and live at peace with ALL persons. And… when the other decides to blow up and let their rage and fear and venom leak all over us – we no longer need it to stick. It is their venom, not ours.
One writer has put it this way: “Anger, aggression, annoyance, hate… are never about the other person. These emotions have less to do with the person we are angry with and more to do with our lack of control. When you lose your temper it’s because anger is in you already. It’s festering and waiting to jump out at the person that crosses your path wrong. Pointing your finger at others is not the answer. Look deep into your own heart, soul, and spirit to change how you behave. Forgiveness, acceptance, sometimes removal, letting go of hurt, offense, jealousy or other negative feelings are your own problem and no one else’s.”
If people want to rage, we must learn that they have no need to answer to us. They are going to answer to their Creator. We have no time for enemies. We have no time for wallowing in the pain they try to inflict.
Can we see it?
The issue really is not even about my anger or the anger of others. Anger is but an emotion, and an indicator or the temper of our soul. This is why an angry outburst is called “losing one’s temper.” The temper of a healthy soul has no need to be free from anger, but it does need to be free to use it in healthy ways.
And when the angry person does not know how to use their anger in freedom, rather than in a rage, anger becomes a destructive method for releasing pent up frustration and fear. A person enslaved to anger perceives (wrongly) that the only way they can let things out is through anger.
They (and often this fool of a writer) miss the slow and healthy release of emotional energy that comes from living in in empathy and compassion. Those who lose their temper when others do not meet their expectations, really just have a deficit in empathy; they have not yet learned to live in compassion.
So, the temptation is (hopefully) obvious. When another person gets angry at us, we have the opportunity to simply be thankful for the opportunity to be compassionate towards someone who has no idea in the moment of how to release the fear and loathing and self-righteousness and other garbage that exists within them (and within each of us). Or, we have the opportunity to lose our own shape of soul – and allow our stuff to pour out on them.
However, when we allow ourselves to remain thankful and compassionate in the face of of the dehumanization the other person has just attempted to pour onto us, we find that very little of their garbage sticks to us. And, we have no temptation to hold onto any of it either.
Tonight is your night beloved. Time to stay thankful. Use empathy to discharge the energy. It is empowering.
Anger is quieted by a gentle word just as fire is quenched by water.
~Jean Pierre Camus (1584-1652)
