Love Deeply, Weep Freely

weepingOccasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.
~John Piper

And the Lord afflicted the child that Uriah’s wife bore to David, and he became sick. David therefore sought God on behalf of the child. And David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his house stood beside him, to raise him from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them. On the seventh day the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spoke to him, and he did not listen to us. How then can we say to him the child is dead? He may do himself some harm.” But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David understood that the child was dead. And David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” They said, “He is dead.” Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. He then went to his own house. And when he asked, they set food before him, and he ate. Then his servants said to him, “What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive; but when the child died, you arose and ate food.” He said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”
~ King David, in 2 Samuel 12

Oh beloved, it is true. There are some losses in our lives that threaten to tear us apart and leave our souls bleeding on the floor of our spirit.

Broken Relationship
Death
Distance
Hopelessly Broken Everything Else…

This fool of a writer has been given a life beyond the ability of most lives to hold the abundance of blessing i have received. But in a similar measure, i have encountered sorrow so heavy that it sometimes causes my steps to falter and my breath to come in halting measure.

I have lost relationships in ways that would have been easier if i had died or so had the other party. The lack of closure feels like a funeral without a body, and the lack of progress towards reconciliation gnaws at the walls of my well of hope.

I have lost the career that many only dreamed was possible. The positions and travel and fun were amazing. This disappeared under the shadow of a horrible betrayal by a very close family member.

I have awoken in a $1,400 bed, in a house that would be a palace to the vast majority of the people on the planet – only to never sleep in that bed again. My next night was in a ratty hotel and the rest of my life has been without the wife and four children that were part of that home as well.

I have been misunderstood so deeply, so many times that i sometimes even doubt myself. Giving Love guarantees that large portions of it will be tossed aside or thrown back in one’s face.

Yeah, the pain is real.

But so is the acceptance.

Can we see it? There is a reality to this fallen world. It is fallen. And, G_d may indeed inflict us with things that we find to be very unpleasant. Oh, it is not that He is capricious, but He is willing to do His will – and that will is beyond our capability to understand most of the time.

And beyond being in control, this same G_d has a heart. He is deeply and intricately involved with us in the pain through which we travel. He is with us because the problems matter and so do we.

So beloved, are you hurting? Weep. It is OK to hurt. But know this. You are not weeping alone. The One Who has woven the circumstances you are in right now, is right there with you. You can you feel His sweet breath on your face if you let yourself.

Tonight is your night. Weep like the dawn is coming. It is.

If we try to resist loss and change or to hold onto blessings and joy belonging to a past which must drop away from us, we postpone all the new blessings awaiting us on a higher level and find ourselves left in a barren, bleak winter of sorrow and loneliness.
~Hannah Hurnard (1905-1990)

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