When we come into this sweet relationship, we are beginning to learn astonished reverence, breathless adoration, awesome fascination, lofty admiration of the attributes of God and something of the breathless silence that we know when God is near… You may never have realized it before, but all of those elements in our perception and consciousness of the divine Presence add up to what the Bible calls “the fear of God.”… There are very few unqualified things in our lives, but I believe that the reverential fear of God mixed with love and fascination and astonishment and admiration and devotion is the most enjoyable state and the most purifying emotion the human soul can know.
~ A.W. Tozer
The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether.
~ Psalm 19:7-9
Each man or woman may be given a handful, or maybe two, of moments in a lifetime which serve as monuments to the fruit of their decisions. The picture above shows a place and a time which G_d used to make one fool, perhaps, the man most full of Joy on the earth.
This writer had just come through a retched battle with life-dominating sin. The pain he had caused himself was devastating. There was nothing left for him to return to. The family he had attempted to raise had thrown him out. The money he had made was gone, and the choices he had made had landed him in an addiction recovery center called The Colony of Mercy.
And so it was.
In this place, He showed me rest; true and real and quiet and life-giving rest. For, in His steadfast loving-kindness, He showed me that He Himself is my rest. He is the only One who both cares enough and is able to bring each of us to a place where we come to the end of ourselves – and instead come to rest on the bedrock of His great Love (which is again, Himself).
In this place, He killed me. And then He raised me up, alive in Him and fully at peace. And over the months of learning now how to live a life free from the chemicals and images and attitudes which had destroyed my past, i began to walk within a comfortable sphere of His healing Love. It was as if, after being raised from the dead, i was in some sort of wonderful intensive care unit to begin gaining strength.
And as i learned to breath the new air of the new Life He had given me, i ranged through the entire panoply of emotion.
Loss.
Relief.
Shame.
Peace.
Happiness.
Calm.
Fear.
Worry.
Doubt.
Believing.
And finally, peace again.
And along the way, this fool of a writer had been devouring copious portions of His Word and allowing the Spirit to illuminate my understanding. It was during this time that i became utterly convinced that His Word contained all the answers i needed to begin to move forward in Life. i came to understand, with deep reverence, that all of this was entirely and completely about Jesus.
He had become, in all things, Preeminent.
And then in the peace, all the emotions flattened out into a quiet calm. But, in the quiet, flatness that emerged from the catharsis of the past few months, i did begin to wonder if the experience were about to end, and that the dull humanity and anxious humanity i had finally escaped would – once again – become the milieu in which i lived.
One night, in the Spring of the year, i was walking quietly along a forest road and across a small bridge.
And then…
Whether this was the true moment, or the next one, is not clear. However, the smallest things are often the most important. i was faced with a choice. i could begin to pick up the path of worry and doubt, or i could implement the truth He had been pouring into me over the past few months. Said simply, i could yield to fear, or i could yield to my new-found trust in Him (for i now knew Him to be only and always good). And by His grace, i yielded to the only fear that made any sense any more: Him.
Suddenly, it all made sense. Everything. The very goodness of G_d and His simply amazingness and the profound saving He had done, and the peace He had poured out onto one undeserving man. And in this moment, this place of simply yielding to Him and coming to a full-stop within myself, there erupted an unspeakable Joy within me. It were as if the very fire of the center of His strength began to course into and through and emerge back out of me.
And while i had no clue at the time what was happening, i now realize i was now most truly alive in Him, with His law now written deeply in my heart – and that this diamond-hard strength, born of the the Joy of the Lord – is something which never actually fades. It does not wax nor wane. It simply phases into different forms which most fit the need at hand and the task He has set before us.
Yeah, that was a pretty good night.
Would you know the Law of the Lord beloved? It is true. It is a Law which now requires only one thing: that you yield fearfully to His great Love. And in knowing this Love, He will set you free to keep obeying it.
Oh let Him Love you tonight!
