Hope knows that if great trials are avoided great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted.
~ Brennan Manning
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.
~ The Encourager, in Hebrews 12
Oh beloved, it is true. There are moments where we really feel like we are done. The crucible of life and pain and memories and failure drive us to an edge. And just as we feel we have come through another wave with some sort of growth – another smacks us in the teeth.
Choking
Hurting
Unable.To.Continue.
We are so tired of the negativity around us. We ache as our feet bang along the incredibly rocky and shallow existence of this life. We would like to have some friends. But, we really don’t want to talk about sports and politics and all the other stuff that absolutely will not fix the pain we are feeling.
Beyond the negativity of the world, our own eggs us on. Each little moment is grating and painful sometimes. A little moment in someone else’s day splashes out on us, but the catalyst within the drops releases a tsunami of emotion within us – and the full spectrum of life we are experiencing is something that no one around us is able to handle.
This fool of a writer is an addict who G_d has brought into recovery. I am – by His Grace – a pretty free guy. But I do, like all of you, have the ability to return to the ways of putrid thinking that can take an addict back out. For those of you who do not understand, part of what drives addiction is that most addicts feel things so blindingly powerfully, that we found the need to attenuate those feelings in order to survive.
The life that He has given me, is a place where feelings can be hurt. I am not alone in this, but the situations and people with whom He has placed me has beat me pretty hard over the past few years. And while I appreciate the ongoing destruction of my enormous ego, there are times where I do wish the new normal of pain could stop for a few minutes.
Today was really one of those days. As another little thing splashed out of someone else’s cup, my soul burst forth a couple of times in moments I could not contain. The feeling of being utterly and completely done with putting up with things just poured out of me in prayer and grunting grumbling under my breath.
There is no pretty little ditty of a message at the end of this entry. But I do know that many a good preacher has said (and rightly so) that the will is able to do more than emotions. Further, it seems that this is the point of discipline: that we would learn how to live rightly and in the strengths He is building into us.
Can we see it? Being done is pretty good.
Done with having my own way.
Done with allowing my emotions to keep scarring me.
Done with letting my irredeemable flesh keep making stupid suggestions.
Done with trying to get my will to comply with something I don’t like.
What if we just were done with all of this, and simply submitted it all to Him and put it into His keeping? Yeah, this is the point of all the waves crashing into our teeth. They are designed to get us to the point where we quit fighting the waves and let them wash us away into His care.
Tonight is your night beloved. Are you done?
