True triumphs are God’s triumphs over us. His defeats of us are our real victories.
~Henry Alford (1810-1871)
Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of Mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of My Mame.” So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.
~the crushing of Saul, who became the least of The Apostles, in Acts 9
The Lord frustrates our plans, shatters our purposes, lets us see the wreck of all our hopes, and whispers to us, “It’s not your work I wanted, but you.”
~Solomon Schechter (1847-1915)
So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him….For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
~C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Oh beloved, it is true. Unless you have felt both the warm breath of His Love and the strength that can (and does) tear you to shreds, you may not (yet) be fully His.
There is a fearsomeness in who He is. There is an arbitrary reality to the way that He leads our lives. It is dizzying at times. And we are losing our breath as He swings us out over the edge of the canyons of to the side of the path He has us on.
Also, there are the memories. Those times in the past where we thought things were just going badly. But upon reflection, we realize that He was dismantling our lives. He was tearing us limb from limb. He was ruining everything that we had built up.
And for some of us. All of that – is gone.
We had hoped for a good life. A life with the nice home and the beautiful spouse and the perfect children (with their perfect grades) and perfect pets and perfect friends. And what we got was something totally different than this.
We looked at our tiny little empires of selfish gain, and watched it all fall through our fingers. And any of the grains we managed to hold onto – He crushed out of our hands. And any thing else that clung to us, He hammered away with His rod across our backs.
“Get up son. Follow Me.”
“But… Father… I am just so tired.”
“Now. No more questions.”
“But… Why did you just ruin my life?”
The silence is deafening. We thought we had met a savior and friend…
And for a moment, we consider getting up and just walking away. But, as we get up to leave, we feel the most overwhelming stroke across our backs. It is a killing blow. But what is so odd, is that nothing in the strike has any anger or retribution in it. It is a clean strike. Mortal.
We lie there gasping. The pain is overwhelming. Everything we ever had is gone. And now, we cannot even stand. We don’t have the strength.
“Get up son. Follow Me.”
“Help me Father. I cannot. Thou hast slain me. There is no strength left in my bones. None.”
“That, My child, is a good beginning. For the things I AM sending you to do are all impossible. They are not just hard, they are not attainable. And this, is you first lesson. Get up son. Follow Me.”
And we try one more thing… “where are we going?”
And again, The Silence.
“Whom do you serve child? AM I not the very G_d of the universe? Who are you to ask me such an impertinent question?! I AM who I AM. And I will fulfill My will one way or another. Will you follow Me?”
Can we see it? Suddenly, we see the simplest – but most profound – of truths. He is G_d. We are not. And in this understanding, we come to see that the strength to do does not come in understanding our orders, but in willing obedience.
So, is your life going in some pretty weird directions right now? That may just be none of your business if you are His. Will you follow Him?
Tonight is your night beloved. Time to know Who you serve.
