Becoming a little child meant becoming aware that all is gift, that I am helpless and powerless to add a single inch to my spiritual stature. Without the subjective awareness of utter dependence, the personal consciousness of a dynamism outside of self at work in us, I seriously question whether anyone has made real progress in the spiritual life.
~Brennan Manning, The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus
So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.
~ paul, The Least of The Apostles, in Romans 8
Oh beloved, it is true. There are moments where we are but moments from failure. And while a true believer knows that victory is possible – there are moments where it is not probable but for the intervention of the Divine.
It starts with fear (read looking at anything other than Him). Then, in looking away from our Source of everything, we find ourselves looking nearly instantly to something to fill the broken cisterns of our souls.
We see it. It could be an emotion or a curve or an item or a body or a package of anything. And the alarm bells go off. We know it is not going to work, but everything in us feels like, if we just take a taste or a look, or vent that one little statement, then everything will be OK, and we can attain some sort of stasis for the moment as we figure out how to get our bearings.
But we know… death is in that curve, or that thought, or that emotion, or package or bottle. It never brought us life, and still that part of us that is dead screams out that maybe if we just approached it some other way, we might find both relief from the battle and still have peace with our Maker.
It plays out in all of our minds.
Please don’t say that it doesn’t.
The spirit of a man is at war, and the enemy is the flesh of his same being. And the fighting is intense at times. So intense, in fact, that the suffering we feel from the fight is often as painful as the injuries we might sustain from a real impact in the physical world.
Then, under the weight of the suffering, we crumple into His arms. We whimper in pain. “Oh Father, i am unable to bear this! Help me! Deliver me!” And He does. Always. But, often, we are left gasping for breath at the intensity of the fight. We long for the end of the war…
Then too, there are the times where we run out from under the weight of the burden, and find that this was actually the safest place to be. For in the open now, we are face to face with whatever was tempting us, and without a sense of danger, we are now in mortal danger. With the burst of feeling free, we sense it is OK to go a little further… This never goes well. Worse, in fact, than the suffering of a victory.
Can we see it? We are at war. Our flesh is a dead, but mortal, enemy. And for us to deny this reality is to find ourselves at the very doorstep of progressive failure that will end with us very dead in our souls as well. So yes beloved, go ahead an gasp for air during the fight. Feel the suffering. It is worth it. Nothing worth having comes without a fight. And this fight has no other path to victory… Suffering is the only way.
However, as sure as there will be suffering, there will be a victory in Him that will be more than worth the struggle. And we can trust the writer of the passage above. He had seen the end of the story some years before in an epic vision of the third heaven (cf. 2 Corinthians 12).
Tonight is your night beloved. Time to keep suffering.
Our Father in heaven… help us to see that it is better to fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than to succeed in a cause that will ultimately fail.
~Peter Marshall (1902-1949)
