We all know of Christians who say that they have never doubted. Their lives seem so pale, so far off from the heroic adventure that is faith. The most fruitful believers tell us shamedly of the inner battles that have torn them between doubt and faith. And the great Bible characters from Abraham or Moses right through Jacob, Jeremiah, Peter, and Paul all show us their conflict-filled lives, their revolts against heaven, their refusals to adapt to a God who was too demanding of them. They show us as well their reconciliation to that God. God loves those who don’t give in without a fight!
~Paul Tournier (1898-1986)
What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building… According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw—each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.
~ paul, The Least of The Apostles, in 1 Corinthians 3
There are, beloved, unexpected joys in the work He gives us to do. There is much of the work in the fields white unto harvest that seems mundane. But actually, none of it is. Things are happening right before our nearly-blind eyes.
This fool of a writer is a teacher in an Asian megacity. He has the astounding privilege of teaching Christian Worldview in a country that is over 80% Muslim. And while the great majority of his 356 students identify as belonging to some sort of Christian denomination, many (if not most) would be nominal believers.
However, much of the nominal-ness of many of these kids has fanned into true belief in the three years He has given me in this place. Me, a nearly-old and slightly dumpy, pink-skinned foreigner has been the fool for Christ in the lives of these precious students.
Somehow (actually as it always is), the foolishness of G_d has been wiser than the wisest plans of men and the demons who have tried to stop the work here. By His Grace, we have explored a number of the deeper things that help kids begin to answer the core questions of our origin, life’s meaning, the structure of morality, and the astounding destiny of the believer.
But for the part about right before my nearly-blind eyes… Perhaps it is the annoying egocentricity and desire to be overtly liked that clouds my vision. Surely too, it is the dust my flesh kicks up into the eyes of my spirit when i sense things are not going to well in my classrooms (or other parts of my life).
We go hard into tough questions. We look at things from different angles. And we try to go as deep as possible in the limited time allowed. However, it often feels that kids simply don’t care about the deeper questions of life. It is almost as though they would rather be thinking about their video games and the latest social thing going on in the hallways. The Sturm and Drung of the average teen today is much more stormy and stressful than my life 30-some years ago.
Also, in having so many kids come through my classrooms, it is easy for me to misplace a kid. It is easy for me to overlook a quiet kid who seems to be uninterested. Often, i have to focus on the kids who are causing problems, or the ones who are actively engaged. And while this is not wrong, it is the quiet ones who can get left behind.
Said more simply, to teach is to often feel discouraged. To pour out our bodies and souls and spirits to these precious, but seemingly turned-away, vessels can feel like a wasted effort. The days when a couple hundred kids will pass by you, without even acknowledging your presence, can induce a feeling that we are being ineffective.
But back to the part about not seeing what is really happening…
My tenure at this school is ending. Political realities and the leading of the Holy One is leading us north. We will be teaching at another international school in a country that is not yet friendly to the Gospel. And while, i will be able to speak openly of the Bible within the confines of the school, i will have to be more subtle in the approach within the community.
But to leave any place, once we have spilt tears and sweat and sickness and prayer and effort and strength and Love – is hard. We find that we Love the students we have had under our care. And leaving them is hard. So, in leaving, i reached out to my list and offered them the ability to stay in some sort of appropriate contact in the future. Further, i gave them the opportunity to leave a comment on the online form if they wished to do so.
This is where this fool could finally see it.
Dozens of kids have responded and many of them have expressed something that i always hoped they knew, but was never convinced until this day. They felt loved. They felt engaged. They felt cared for. They learned in ways that blew their mind. They saw Jesus. They were ushered in His direction, and some into His very Presence.
The kids that expressed this? Many of them are kids that i never really got to know. Many were the quiet ones. Many were the ones who did not seem to be interested. Many were the ones i thought i was not reaching.
What. A. Fool. i. Am.
Who am i to think that i was ever reaching anybody anyway? Teaching is not about me. Teaching is about being an oracle of the Truth. Teaching is about letting the One speaking through me to impact the souls and spirits of the students. And this One speaking through me knew exactly who needed to hear what in those rooms.
So, as i got out of the way and let Him do His thing in me and through me, i still made the terrible mistake of thinking that the student’s immediate reactions towards me were the long-term indicator of what they were learning. Again, what a fool i am.
But the gorgeous thing about feedback like this, is not just the encouragement it gives to a teacher who cares. It is also a tremendous reminder of the reality that i am not doing the teaching at all. No, a true teacher is but a conduit of Truth and Wisdom and Life and everything connected to the lives of the students they touch.
So beloved, are you discouraged in the calling He has you in? Do you feel like you are ineffective? Perhaps you are. But most likely, you are being a bit foolish like me. Perhaps you need to see that you (and i) are but the conduits and instruments of His Grace. And when we see this truth, we are set free to see the fruit He is bearing in us and through us. Tonight is your night beloved. Time to remember how He uses us in His work.
