Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.
― Corrie ten Boom
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. A rich man’s wealth is his strong city, and like a high wall in his imagination. Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.
~ A Proverb of King Solomon, in Proverbs 18
Oh beloved, it is true. There is within us a skill we do not need. And our willingness to use it far surpasses its utility. We worry. And we give in to angst over the things we do not, or cannot, know. We believe (in our foolishness) that somehow, if we just think through an issue enough times, we will somehow find a solution to the problem.
But, in resending the problem through our frontal cortex, we never real do anything except introduce toxic waste into our soul. And actually, the problem is much deeper than we can imagine. The problem is not that we are worried about our problems. The problem is that we actually believe we can solve them alone.
In our astounding hubris, we seem willing to run out and try to fix things we could never even begin to comprehend. We are like the little child who goes into the kitchen and tries to cook a souffle by dumping eggs and flour into a bowl – then popping the mess into the microwave. Not gonna work…
In fact, the only thing that usually happens when we try to fix our problems alone is that we make them worse. Not only do we make them worse, we compound the problem by abandoning the peace He is for us. Instead of living in the communion of the saints – and in super-saturated contact with Him – we run out from the Strong Tower and wound our souls.
Then it gets worse.
We then, often, give in to the temptation to believe that G_d has somehow abandoned us in our problems. We lash out at Him in anger for our perception that things are not going well in our attempts to get things going in the right direction.
“How is that working for you beloved?”
“I am so angry Jesus. The pain of this trial is zero fun. Make it stop!”
“Be anxious for nothing brother.”
We retort, “That’s easy for You to say! What if it doesn’t turn out how I want it to? What if people laugh at me for my misguided faith? What if others become convinced that I am just on another mentally unstable journey of jousting at another windmill?!?!”
He answers clearly, “My burden is light. Would you like to carry it? I will help you. It will fit you perfectly. Come inside. Let Me show you.”
“You didn’t even respond to me!”
“Oh that… Yes, they will think you are crazy. My family thought the same about Me while I was in ministry in Galilee. They were wrong. I let them be who they were and simply listened to what the Father wanted me to do and say.”
We begin to weep, “It hurts. I feel angry. I am tired.”
“Yes, you are dear one. Come to me, and I will give you rest. Learn from Me. I am The Way to the peace you seek.”
“Say it child, I already know.”
“Nobody gets me. Those closest to me have lied to me and rejected me. I am not sure I can take another season of being hurt. I might just die.”
He answers, “Maybe that is my plan for you. You seem to have some glorious plan of your own where you will go out and make me famous. You do know that I have no need for you brother? You do know that I could (and have) use(d) dumb animals to spread my fame.”
“I would die for you.”
“That is not what I mean brother. I appreciate your bravado. So like Peter. He is one of my best friends!”
He answers, “What if this dying leaves you more alive than you could ever imagine? What if this dying makes you more powerful than you could ever believe? Just stay with Me. Come into Me, and stay. I have already come into you – but that is not enough. I do not dominate. I invite. Will you come and stay? You already know what it is like out there on your own.”
“Yes. It is horrible. So dry. Bitter. Anxious. I hate it.”
“Run Home beloved. Come Home and stay.”
And we say, “Oh Jesus, why do I forget? Why do i leave?”
He just smiles. “No need to leave again. You are one My best friends, and I Love it when you stay. It lasts forever, and it never has to change. Alone, I AM amazing beyond your wildest imagination. And together, we are even better. Stay dear brother. You are Home.”
And He just smiles again. “I AM indeed The LORD of lords. But do you know who these lords are whom I AM Lord of, brother? Do you understand that I take you through the tough times to make you ready for a time when I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. There will be no more pain, no more death, no more mourning. These things will have passed away from our memories forever, and you will join Me in leading a Kingdom which will have no end.” He continues, “It has already begun. Just stay. You’ll see. All is well.”
So, are you anxious tonight beloved? Perhaps tonight is your night to have enough courage to let it go. Just go Home and hide.