The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s “own,” or “real” life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one’s “real life” is a phantom of one’s own imagination. This at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it’s hard to remember it all the time.
~ C.S. Lewis
Oh beloved, it is true. This writer is learning something about himself… and i am cringing… i find that within me, that is in my flesh, nothing good dwells. i am impatient. i want what i want – when i want it. And i am definitely not very good with change sometimes.
In past years, i have had the delicious privilege of having a life that is very full, and has very few wrinkles. In many periods, i have been in a “rhythm”… up early with Him, doing my devotions, going to a prayer time or something, going to work, going to a bible study or the gym or class, coming home, cooking, cleaning, writing, doing my devotions… and going to bed. My life was simple. i have had the opportunity to love a lot of people in a lot of ways.
This is all good stuff. – but here is the issue:
Love requires a pouring out of my own interests and a replacement of those interests with the interests of others. And now, and into the future, it will require a pouring out of my interests for others.
And what i found this morning – was that when my time to get ready was “interrupted” by the need to do some paperwork quickly (for an unplanned event), and try to make an important call, etc. i became impatient. And this impatience was self-centered. i wanted to have a quiet morning and go to work and try to get rested up a little bit.
So?
Here is the point: It is right to rest – but it is wrong to try and create my own rest, and to try to control my own environment. This is taking G_d off the throne of my life. This is treason against the flow of the Kingdom of heaven wherein is righteousness, peace and joy.
Further, everything about the Kingdom is antithetical to me centering on my own needs. Everything is about pouring out my life and simply trusting that He will keep me filled. Because no matter what, I cannot do it on my own.
Can we see it beloved? True love dies to its own needs. Not just its own desires. G_d knows our needs better than we do, and we can rest in Him in the midst of turmoil.
Jesus is the ultimate example of this. Our Beloved drank a cup totally unnecessary for Himself to drink. He did it for us – and poured out His Life that we might Live in Him.
So, i am learning. i know all of us are.. This is just what He is teaching me today. Praise Him for His Grace! Praise Him for His mercy! Praise Him for His patience with us!
