God must bring us to a point – I cannot tell you how it will be, but he will do it – where, through a deep and dark experience, our natural power is touched and fundamentally weakened, so that we no longer dare trust ourselves… At length there comes a time when we no longer ‘like’ to do Christian work – indeed we almost dread to do things in the Lord’s Name. But then at last it is that he can begin to use us.
~ Watchman Nee
There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And He said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a Voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And the Lord said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus… Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”
~ from 1 Kings 19
Oh beloved, it is true. There are times where we come to the end of an assignment along the path He has set before us. And we wonder what the hell we are doing. The problem of evil sometimes just seems so enormous; the stench of the fallenness fouls our senses.
We look to the starving kids.
We see the mothers on the edge.
We smell the rotting garbage.
We hear the laughing of the rich.
We touch the frame of a sick child.
We want to go home, wherever that is.
This fool of a writer has cast himself into the works that G_d has set before me. It is my mission to reach out to poor people (especially those in need of both natural and spiritual water). Part of me understands the mantras about saving just one starfish, or saving just one child in need.
Even so, another part of me is pissed off that we cannot simply figure out how to keep 20,000 kids a day from starving to death. Yeah, like $10,000,000 USD a day – well spent – could make that problem go away. Oh, by the way, that is less than 1 cent per day, per supposed Christian on the planet.
What is our problem? And why do fools like me even try to save the one or two we might intercept in the feeble attempts we foist on the cosmos? We have left our lives of the comfort of the West and are trying to make a difference in a culture that seemingly does not care that people are going to die – because of its own lack of caring.
And He speaks. “Why are you here child?”
“i don’t know Father. It seemed like a good idea. It seemed like it might help. But it just seems so futile sometimes.”
“I sent you here. Is that enough for you?”
And we say, “It should be. But, it hurts that no one cares. Nobody even comes to visit them Papa.”
And He says, “You did. Would you do it if nobody else came?”
“Yes Father. i Love them. You have torn my heart to Life. Everything in me Loves them with the Great Love you have poured into me. i Love them so very much.”
“Did you learn anything on the mountain this time?”
“Yes, Father. i learned that it is, perhaps, a more honest representation of the fallenness of the world. The mountain of trash is simply the world in sharper relief. And from this, i learned that there is nothing for me in this world, and that i would do anything to help as many people as you give me to help – to escape this mess.”
“Sounds like a pretty good day, son. You are growing in maturity. You are one of my warriors. I have invested infinitely in you. And through you, I will reap eternal interest in the lives I Myself save through you.”
“Oh Papa.”
“Yes child. All is well. Just rest. There is more to come. But it will come in its own time. Come away with me beloved. Rest for awhile.”
Oh my. What a day it has been.
Beloved. Be steadfast, immovable, knowing that your work in Him is not in vain. Rest in this. Know it. Let it seep down into your tired bones, and let it give you strength.
