The nausea of being the thing I was leapt from my throat like sobbing….
~Dacia Maraini (1936- )
“The Lord has sworn and will not change His mind, ‘You are a priest forever.’” This makes Jesus the guarantor of a better covenant. The former priests were many in number, because they were prevented by death from continuing in office, but He holds His priesthood permanently, because He continues forever. Consequently, He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.
~from Hebrews 7
Oh beloved, it is true. There is something within us that wants to try and categorise our belief in Him. It is as though we feel like somehow we are not completely saved unless we can understand what has happened to us.
We get the basics. Jesus, the same One who made us, came and died for us, that we might live with Him forever. But, somehow, the simplicity of this astounding truth seems so overwhelmingly like something a child would believe. And (we think) we have to grow up into something more sophisticated to be able to make a difference.
And so, somehow, instead of letting His Word work into us, and make the cuts it needs to make – we begin to try and cut the words into pieces that we can understand and order and categorize. Somehow, we think, we could just begin to understand – if we could just get it all organized some way.
Is it grace?
Mercy?
Love?
Justice?
Righteousness?
Reputation of G_d?
Wisdom?
Understanding?
Counsel?
Might?
Knowledge?
And to each of our situations, we try to take a little piece of the little we know about G_d and apportion a bit of one of His attributes to what has just occurred. It is not that trying to understand is wrong. It is just that it is impossible to be guided to the entire truth if we start in the wrong place – and then head off in the wrong direction.
We, like most humans, so full of pride and hubris, still often think that we have something to do with the truth that our sins were, and are, forgiven. And, we continue to think that we have to identify the particular actions of G_d – so as to hold onto them. It is like we feel like we need to be good shoppers; identifying the proper product – at the right price – to put into our cart. We want to get the right mix of goods into our basket, so as to experience the most enjoyment out of the bounty.
However, in this continuous fractionalisation of G_d, we really do get it totally wrong. It is a bit like trying to establish which aspects of the brain surgeon were able to save a patient from the tumor growing in his skull. Was it his hands? Yes. Talent? Yes. Timing? Yes. All of who the doctor is, was working in concert to bring about good in the patient.
Can we see it though? G_d is not just astronomically more talented and powerful and loving than a good doctor. G_d is infinite – and the infinite does not brook being broken into pieces. G_d is who He is. He indeed said it best.
I AM.
And this same One (all of Him) has bought out of the slave markets of this dungeon cosmos. The simple entirety of His entire self meets us at every moment. We are drenched in the Presence of the One who was, and is, and is to come. We have no need of a part of Him to help us (as though He were absent and needing to send a package of help).
So yeah, we are broken. Many of us are shattered. The unbearable reality of who we are – apart from Him – literally makes us sick to our stomachs. But, in our brokenness, we must avoid a path of thinking that leads absolutely nowhere good. G_d does not apply different bits of Himself to our various bits of broken pieces. No, He brings all of His infinite self to all of our fractions. And it is this omni-everything about Him which makes G_d uniquely able, willing, gracious, merciful, Loving, justified, righteous, reputable, wise, understanding, counselled, mighty, and knowledgeable – all together and all at once – in our saving.
You are utterly saved beloved. Tonight is your night to stop trying to break that down into something you can comprehend. Instead it is your night to begin to believe that He both comprehends it, and is the One doing the comprehensive job of rescuing you.
