We have one function in life: to be the manifestors of His life to the world. Only when we are living His life are we truly living our own! This is the reason for our creation.
~Malcolm Smith
From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
How does one become a fully usable disciple of Jesus? Every story is different, Some of you have asked about mine… The story is intense. And perhaps a blog entry is not the best forum to communicate it fully. But, may it suffice to say that behind this story, is an all-powerful, all-Loving G_d. One who takes the most twisted and weak vessels; crushes them, and then makes them new and beautiful.
After 35 years of sincere, and even somewhat zealous Christianity (one fouled though with a view that i had the right to hold on to certain disobedience in my life), the whole thing crashed big-time (family, job, freedom, health, finances, etc. all ruined). And all the way through it all – from childhood – i literally lived in a state of high-anxiety, stress, emotional pain, and abject fear of eternity. Everything about life was hard; like swimming through molasses.
Then, on or about 7 November 2010, i went through a 35-day catharsis while at an addiction recovery program called The Colony of Mercy at America’s Keswick. First, was a true and ABSOLUTE surrender to Him, followed by an intense period of emotional pain and ending with a dreadful / wonderful vision.
This vision occurred at 7:26pm, on Dec. 12th, 2010. I was sitting in the second row of a chapel before a service. Suddenly, i was standing in front of the church! Immediately, a large, shadowy man stepped out from near the podium and plunged a huge knife into my chest. As I fell, I was immediately back in my pew. All of this took maybe 5-10 seconds in the natural. As i looked around, panting, i immediately realized that something was different! And after the service, i approached a chaplain and told him the strangest thing…
i said, “chaplain, i think you just preached at a funeral.” The man simply looked over the top of his glasses at me, cocked his head to the side, paused for a second, and said “amen.” Then just turned and walked away! a short time later, i was chatting with the same man while in a car. He said, “you know… Keswick is like an elephant graveyard. People come here to die. They just don’t know it.”
This started a beautiful 40-day period of fasting and prayer. It was as if God took the prior 35 years of my stumbling walk with Him, and pulled all of that out of the savings account He had created at the beginning of my walk with Him back in 1974 – and poured it back into my being, with interest added!
As I back-filled my abandoned self-identity with what the Bible says i am in Christ (about 80+ things right?), all the pain, fear, doubt, anxiety – ALL of it – went away. He did it. Right now (“now”), in Him, there is absolutely no fear, no pain, no doubt, no worry, no anxiety… There is only Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and even self-control. Well, yeah, there’s more: clarity, courage, power, purpose, wonder, and more… i’m loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving others seemingly without effort. He is really Good! i’m guessing many of you already know this :). All this falls short of what is actually going on… but i think you get the point.
The questions before me were manifold! What happened to me? i’m was not trying to over-intellectualize here. They were honest questions that, well-answered, would help inform my future teaching and work. I was trusting His Spirit to lay this out for me, and i believe He led me to ask some brothers from different traditions so i might better understand His manifold Grace (One Bible, one truth, it is THE authority – but oh my is it a multi-faceted Jewel). Was this some “Baptism of the Holy Spirit?” A “Second Act of Grace?” “Holiness” ala Wesley? “Spirit-Filling” like from a Campus Crusade tract? Entering into the Exchanged / Normal / Victorious / Adventurous life? A “step-function” move within the process of my own sanctification (think a Reformed position here)?
i was (and am still) having some off-the-hook experiences with this too. Dreams, visions, sights, sounds, understandings, empowerment (all – so far – aligned with Scripture)… This is wonderful, but really weird, and definitely not part of the tradition in which i was reared.
To summarize, it was really wonderful to be in Him (especially with my prior “intellectual knowledge” of Scripture now coming to be “real knowledge” in the Scriptural sense). However, i was really wanting to get a handle on “what happened.”
Then, a beautiful brother, an author; one with a testimony worth listening to – and a proven track record – sent me this note:
Over the 40-day fast, and the following two years, G_d has utterly hammered His way through my existence. He has changed everything about me. Am i perfect? Of course not! But, in Him, sin has become the exception, rather than the rule. And in this space, He dominates my being. In Him, i am beginning to take on the behavior of heaven and bear it’s Spirit’s fruit.
He has, over the last two years, changed everything about my life and circumstances.
i was single with four kids. Now i am married with six.
i was living and working in the Western hemisphere. Now i live and work in Asia.
i did not know how to love. Now He Loves through me.
i felt alone in the world. Now i know for sure He is in me, and i am in Him.
i had no sense of purpose. Now He has given a clear vision, mission and number of people to reach.
i was anxious and tired. Now i am simply joyous and free.
i was in life for what it could give me. Now He is my all in all.
It has been quite a couple years! 🙂
i am His alone… yet ever your brother and friend,
Makala
