We have one function in life: to be the manifestors of His life to the world. Only when we are living His life are we truly living our own! This is the reason for our creation.
~Malcolm Smith
From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
How does one become a fully usable disciple of Jesus? Every story is different, Some of you have asked… The story is intense. And perhaps a blog entry is not the best forum to communicate it fully. But, may it suffice to say that behind this story, is an all-powerful, all-Loving G_d. One who takes the most twisted and weak vessels; crushes them, and then makes them new and beautiful.
After 35 years of sincere, and even somewhat zealous Christianity (yet one fouled with a view that i had the right to hold on to certain disobedience in my life), the whole thing crashed big-time (family, job, freedom, health, finances, etc. all ruined). And all the way through it all – from childhood – I literally lived in a state of high-anxiety, stress, emotional pain, and abject fear of eternity. Everything about life was hard; like swimming through molasses.
Then, on or about 7 November 2010, I went through a 35-day catharsis while at an addiction recovery program called The Colony of Mercy at America’s Keswick. 1st was true and ABSOLUTE surrender to Him, followed by an intense period of emotional pain and ending with a dreadful / wonderful vision.
This vision occurred at 7:26pm, on Dec. 12th, 2010. I was sitting in the second row of a chapel before a service. Suddenly, i was standing in front of the church! Immediately, a large, shadowy man stepped out from near the podium and plunged a huge knife into my chest. As I fell, I was immediately back in my pew. All of this took maybe 5-10 seconds in the natural. As i looked around, panting, i immediately realized that something was different! And after the service, i approached a chaplain and told him the strangest thing…
i said, “chaplain, i think you just preached at a funeral.” The man simply looked over the top of his glasses at me, cocked his head to the side, paused for a second, and said “amen.” Then just turned and walked away! A short time later, i was chatting with the same man while in a car. He said, “you know… Keswick is like an elephant graveyard. People come here to die. They just don’t know it.”
This started a beautiful 40-day period of fasting and prayer. It was as if God took the prior 35 years of my stumbling walk with Him, and pulled all of that out of the savings account He had created at the beginning of my walk with Him back in 1974 – and poured it back into my being, with interest added!
As I back-filled my abandoned self-identity with what the Bible says i am in Christ (about 80+ things right?), all the pain, fear, doubt, anxiety – ALL of it – went away. He did it. Right now (“now”), in Him, there is absolutely no fear, no pain, no doubt, no worry, no anxiety… There is only Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and even self-control. Well, yeah, there’s more: clarity, courage, power, purpose, wonder, and more… i’m loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving others seemingly without effort. He is really Good! i’m guessing many of you already know this :). All this falls short of what is actually going on… but i think you get the point.
The questions before me were manifold! What happened to me? i’m was not trying to over-intellectualize here. They were honest questions that, well-answered, would help inform my future teaching and work. I was trusting His Spirit to lay this out for me, and i believe He led me to ask some brothers from different traditions so i might better understand His manifold Grace (One Bible, one truth, it is THE authority – but oh my is it a multi-faceted Jewel). Was this some “Baptism of the Holy Spirit?” A “Second Act of Grace?” “Holiness” ala Wesley? “Spirit-Filling” like from a Campus Crusade tract? Entering into the Exchanged / Normal / Victorious / Adventurous life? A “step-function” move within the process of my own sanctification (think a Reformed position here)?
i was (and am still) having some off-the-hook experiences with this too. Dreams, visions, sights, sounds, understandings, empowerment (all – so far – aligned with Scripture)… This is wonderful, but really weird, and definitely not part of the tradition in which i was reared.
To summarize, it was really wonderful to be in Him (especially with my prior “intellectual knowledge” of Scripture now coming to be “real knowledge” in the Scriptural sense). However, i was really wanting to get a handle on “what happened.”
Then, a beautiful brother, an author; one with a testimony worth listening to – and a proven track record – sent me this note:
Over the 40-day fast, and the following months, G_d has utterly hammered His way through my existence. He has changed everything about me. Am i perfect? Of course not! But, in Him, sin has become the exception, rather than the rule. And in this space, He dominates my being. In Him, i am beginning to take on the behavior of heaven and bear it’s Spirit’s fruit.
He even changed my name. Really.
Surely, this name change has nothing to do with my own sense of identity. Who i am is simply who God says i am (identity in Christ – like 80 things right?). My only job is to RECKON His Word and guidance true, and obey in the power of His Spirit.
In reckoning, like an accountant, we consider the funds available in an account, and record the truth in our ledger. Writing the number down does not make it true. Rather, the truth of the existence – and the spending power of – the funds is made manifest in the account by the reckoning entry of the accountant. And once that entry is made, the truth-power of those monies can be brought to bear as needed.
Makala: (mah KAH lah) is Hawaiian. It means to loosen; to set at liberty; to remit (forgive, pardon, condone, absolve, excuse) i.e., to cancel or refrain from inflicting or enforcing, as a punishment, sentence, to pardon or forgive (a sin or offense). It also means “Myrtle” which is a leaf used in victory wreaths, and trees G_d plants in the desert to bring Himself glory! Makala is also from the Hebrew root: Michael, meaning “Who is like God?” In art St. Michael is often represented as an angelic warrior, fully armed with helmet, sword, and shield, as he overcomes – by the power of God – the adversary and asks the rhetorical and scornful question: Quis ut Deus?
This is what God has done in my life my friends. And He reinforced this by actually giving me this name many months ago in room 8R in the Colony of Mercy. i tucked the word away in my memory after it came to me clearly (spelling and all) one day during prayer. Sometime later, though, i looked it up on the internet. You can imagine the wonderful sense of surprise i felt when the results came back from the search!
Barnabas: Son of Encouragement. This is the ministry that He has called me to steward (1 Peter 4:1-11). As i walk in Him – as He has taken His place fully on the throne of my life – people are being encouraged. The blog i write has now been viewed in over 150 countries in the last couple years. All this simply, because He told me to leave my television off at night, and spend a little time writing about the Gospel. This is all about Him – not about me. Oh, by the way… people actually walk up to me and are saying that they are encouraged. I have even been called “Barnabas” over the past months. Again, in me – in my flesh – nothing good dwells. In Him – people are hearing about Jesus and feeling His Love through me.
Doulos: Bondservant. Two parallel truths have become apparent to me after absolute surrender. (1) i am totally free. i can do anything. i am not under law. HOWEVER! (2) i have been bought with a price. The ONLY reasonable free choice is to present myself back as a slave to my Master – for Him to use as He sees fit, for His glory and purposes. My life is no longer my own. (Romans 7, 12, 2 Corinthians 5, Galatians 2,5,6, Colossians 3, 2 Timothy 2, 1 Peter 2… actually the whole Book…)
So put it together, and you get: Makala Barnabas Doulos. i am simply one man who has been set completely free, to encourage others and serve Him alone and without limit.
Thanks for reading.
i am His alone… yet ever your brother and friend,
Makala
